Milk of Magnesia
O Milk of Magnesia
You taste so wrong
A pharmaceutical hooker stroked off some chalk
Dear Milk of Magnesia
The sweetened drink of a wrecked alimentary canal
Please preserver on your journey to below
Free the oppressed and show them the light
Have mercy Milk of Magnesia
Right the wrongs of the opioid army
Their stuck earth policy turning all to clay
Lay waste to straining
Pain brings pain
Relief per chance to sleep
Milk of Magnesia, please permit me a moment upon your throne, the court of the golemous king, for none but my eyes
Sinking like a stone
Cleanse the launch pad and send them to hell
All hail Milk of Magnesia
Songs for Beowulf, yet none for you.
Hear then my praise, our common enemy fades beneath the sea!
Well I kinda lost it today. Problems with benefits/insurance/hospital/pharmacy was all too much. I didn’t go ape shit or anything, well a little screaming in the car. But talking with a couple of friends and dinner with one afterward really helped.
Sleep is a bit fickle as we progress, first night without warfarin in over a year. They want me to clot normally come Monday.
Boy this is really disjointed.
My surgery has been pushed back to 11/3 which I guess is better than having it done on Halloween Friday, but then again, what do I know?
There’s so much crap to deal with, and as it stands right now, I only have about 3 weeks of paid leave, and my insurance has not “approved” the surgery, so I have to deal with this shit as well.
And there appears to be some sort of “friend power play” going on, I’m not sure what the fuck that is all about. Overall dour kinda mood. I’ll have to see how things play out. I’m just tired of caring. I guess things will work out.
Or they won’t
Here’s a video of the procedure I’ll be having. I can not bring myself to watch it. I believe that may be something I do eventually, but probably not until after the surgery. Maybe never, we’ll see.
So the transesophageal echocardiogram helped the surgeon see my valve and he thinks he may be able to repair it.
This is great news because if that works and the Maze technique ablation works I can come off blood thinners. Although I’ve been on them for a year for my atrial fibrillation, they make me cold and have lots of other issues. But that is best case scenario.
If either the ablation or the valve repair aren’t successful, I’ll be on them for life.
There’s so much to do it’s overwhelming. Living essentially alone and facing open heart surgery is a scary thing. I don’t know what I can’t do, so I don’t know what to ask for help with. I’m trying to figure that out but I don’t know what is feasible and what is not. So far I’m not even sure who’s taking me to the hospital, more involved than just a car ride. Let alone if anyone is going to stay over after I’m released for the first few days. It’s also hard to ask people this. I won’t be able to lift over 5 pounds or drive for a couple of months, and I won’t even be able to ride in smaller cars at first. It’s nuts. Some of the non specific literature the hospital gave me is at heart papers it’s pretty complete but gives me an anxiety attack.
I’m not writing about this as much as I’d hoped to mainly because then I’d have to think about it more. Then I get anxiety, and sheesh.
Looks like I’ll be needing open heart surgery. An Aortic Root Replacement, and Ablation to hopefully fix my Atrial Fibrillation.
I’ll be scheduling a TransEsophageal Echo for pretty much ASAP, so the surgeon can have unobstructed views of my heart from behind my sternum.
Wow, this whole thing is making my head reel. It’s kinda unnerving.
Waiting room, so much I don’t know
Wish I was still under warranty
Patched and fixed
We’re talking engine not frame or body work
Contemplation works against me
Can’t get better until it’s worse
Soreness not pain
The healing begins?
It looks like I need to have heart surgery, valve replacement, and perhaps an aneurysm repair. It was something I knew I was going to need eventually, but it’s gone worse and it will be happening quite soon. I meet with a surgeon tomorrow and hope to know more details then. I’m going to be keeping a journal of sorts here, probably some lonely, scared thoughts from time to time, but I’ll try to keep a sense of humor, even if it is gallows humor, or if a new season of Archer comes out, I’ll probably get distracted.
In the mean time, here’s a picture of my cat and guitar…